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Faking It: The Lies Women Tell about Sex--And the Truths They Reveal, by Lux Alptraum
Free Ebook Faking It: The Lies Women Tell about Sex--And the Truths They Reveal, by Lux Alptraum
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Review
"Forthright, provocative, and studded with irony, Alptraum's incisive discussion calls for more flexibility, openness, conversation, and variety around sexual narratives and, most crucially, believing women."―Publishers Weekly **starred review**"Alptraum holds social codes, pop-culture narratives, and media myths up to the light to help readers understand why women internalize sexual shame-but also to encourage us to stop doing so."―Bitch "This book is a brilliant and necessary part of the conversation, and it cements Alptraum as one of our most essential contemporary voices on sex and gender."―Carmen Maria Machado, author of Her Body and Other Parties"Quite literally a revelation....Alptraum sets a cleansing fire to myths about sex, shame, and deception that have been hiding in plain sight for centuries."―Andi Zeisler, author of We Were Feminists Once"This is a mind blower of a read. A completely fresh perspective."―Jenny Lumet, screenwriter, Rachel Getting Married"Lux Alptraum is a fearless and frequently hilarious guide through the murky waters of 21st-century sexual politics, one who never settles for the easy answers. Faking It shows that in sex -- as in so much else -- what women do matters less than why they do it."―Sady Doyle, author of Trainwreck "Alptraum's work announces itself as an essential part of a vital conversation."―Library Journal (starred review)"Alptraum explores the persistence of a cultural narrative whose wide-ranging repercussions harm all humans. The book holds social codes, pop-culture narratives, and media myths up to the light to help readers understand why women internalize sexual shame-but also to encourage us to stop doing so."―BUST"Alptraum explores the way women tend to have very good reasons for the lies they tell and asks readers to think beyond snap moral judgments and take a look at the larger social traps women are put in that make them feel lying is necessary at all."―Salon
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About the Author
Lux Alptraum is a writer and producer dedicated to improving our conversation about sex. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, New York Magazine, SELF, Vice, Cosmopolitan, and Hustler; and helped shape Fusion's Peabody-nominated Sex.Right.Now. with Cleo Stiller. She lives in New York City.
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Product details
Paperback: 256 pages
Publisher: Seal Press (November 6, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1580057659
ISBN-13: 978-1580057653
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
19 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#72,691 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This book is a must read. Alptraum has an incredibly unique perspective on some of the most pressing topics today. I’ve read so much feminist literature that feels like “feminism 101†and I’m tired of it! So, if you are craving nuance, listen to this book right now. With candor and confidence, Alptraum unabashedly dissects the most personal (and sexual) myths underpinning femininity; as a reader, you can be sure that you are in good hands. I do believe that most writers are too skittish to write about such explicit and personal topics. It’s rare to read such a smart take on the lived and felt experiences of sexuality and gender. Alptraum has done extensive research, interviewing a huge selection of the most fascinating contemporary feminist public figures, and I’m so inspired by how she pushes her thesis while being sensitive and respectful of all opinions — even dissenting ones. She handles each of her interviewees with tact and delicacy. Reading this book has taught me so much about the social constructs that make me who I am. Alptraum’s writing has made me feel ever more confident in speaking my “truthâ€, and — perhaps more importantly — my “lies.â€
So the author presents that the issue is in the fact that women are complex. At the same time she supports the narrative of the female duplicitous nature. She is presenting the male orgasm as simplistic when in fact it is complex. The male orgasm and ejaculation are two separate events. Most of the time they happen simultaneously but in fact they originate from two separate and distinct systems in the male body. Men who have learned their bodies and have become more in tuned to the art of true intimacy are capable of orgasms separate from ejaculation. Likewise women who focus on true intimacy and not the act of sex are quite capable of never having to present fulfillment of pleasure.
I've enjoyed Lux's writing for years (I highly recommend her newsletter "The Lux Letter"), and her first book does not disappoint. It's a compelling, deep dive into the issues surrounding women's lies surrounding sex. Lux pushes past some of the "traditional" answers that most of us take for granted, and uncovers some surprising stuff (or at least, surprising to me as a well-intentioned male). I respect the interviews and research that went into this, but the writing style is very conversational and accessible. If I called it "an easy read on a difficult topic", would that make sense?After you read it, you wonder why this lens isn't used more to help understand the current state of women in society.I can't wait for my girlfriend to read it too, so we can talk about it.
Alptraum has penned a book that should quietly become a classic. Twenty years from now, people will look back on her text and identify it as the start of a new, more ecumenical version of sex positivity. What makes FAKING IT so good is that while, on the surface, it primarily deals with women’s perspectives, it’s really about the patriarchy – not some slogan on a t-shirt, but the real, systemic way that expected gender roles and ideals punish all sexes. Alptraum writes with both insight and wit: her prose is a pleasure. She also is rigorous and fair in her defense of sex positivity. While, as you would expect, there’s plenty of drilling into common stereotypes and the societal expectations placed on heterosexual men and woman, she also is willing to go a step beyond, to look at the way marginalized groups themselves can impose judgment and limitations on their own members. Her goal doesn’t appear to be to support any specific movement or group, but rather people’s right to find sexual enjoyment in whatever way works for them (within obvious legal limits), including foregoing sex entirely. Maybe the most touching example in the book is a woman who doesn’t have orgasms and eventually realizes…that’s okay. She doesn’t require “fixing" or her partner to master some surefire technique, but she’s simply the way she is. That sort of open-mindedness – and deference to what individuals actually want as opposed to what they’re projected to desire – is Alptraum’s particular strength. Simply put, the book is a joy to read and one of the most insightful texts you’re likely to come across on any subject.
Just like it's cover states, this book goes into the why of the lies women tell and it's a journey that's equal parts sad, heartbreaking, enlightening and eye opening. If you've got an interest in feminist literature or a man who's wondered why women lie about having a boyfriend just to get you to leave them alone this book won't disappoint.
SUCH AN AMAZING READ!! I would recomend this book to anyone interested in this topic.
Ties together stuff I knew with stuff I had no words for with stuff I suspected with (and this was the majority of it) stuff I had no idea about.
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